


illusions.

by scintiilla



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Dark Themed, Heavy topics, Illusions, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Sad Ending, Sea, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, author decided to play around, i truly dont know what this is, soogyu darlings i am so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28960443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scintiilla/pseuds/scintiilla
Summary: in which beomgyu wants to be near soobin, as near as possible.but he is too far away
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu & Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin
Kudos: 13





	illusions.

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING
> 
> the following ff is based on a heavy topic;death.  
> if you cant handle this type of stories please dont continue.
> 
> I dont think that the way i wrote this piece is really heavy but is surely isnt a fluffy and cute thing to read.  
> also, this is the second time i am trying to write something like this so i will leave this experiment as it is and i'd be more than happy if you'd leave any kind of feedback! It would literally make me very very happy to know what you thought on this writing style/story telling/plot etc.
> 
> at this point, i dont think i can confidently say 'enjoy the story'

''oh you came! I thought you wouldnt be able to visit me anymore..''

soobin shone brightly underneath the moonlight, the cold air that was by now moist with the seas touch left pink brushes on his cheeks and lips, beomgyu couldnt take his eyes off of him.

''i thought so as well but then again, is there something i could possible lose? I wouldnt let anyone keep me away from you''

even though beomgyu's sentences seemed to be carrying a lot comfort in them, he couldnt ignore the itching pain within his chest.

A heavy something surrounding his heart ech time he layed his eyes on soobins figure, he so much grew to love.

''you look beautiful today as well.''he continued, slowly taking a sit next to soobin on the sand, the waves hitting its -by now dark- gold colour right in front of their feet.

''i decided to dress a bit more specal today'' soobin grinned, ''you dont look bad yourself either..'' he said in a more of a tease tone.

Beomgyu felt like drowning next to his beloved one, he spend his day waiting for the sun to finally set down, for the night to finally spread its darkness.

''you know, i was sitting here right before you arrived and i realise that this place is slowly suffocating me. The world i once loved so deaply is slowly pushing me down, and the worst part is that i will eventually have to accept that.'' the cold wind that danced in circles around the two of them was nothing compared to soobins cold, almost cruel words.

Beomgyu knew, that Soobin wasn't the same as before. Nowhere near how he was before. But even those changes couldnt stop him from falling out of love.

''i never knew you could give up on me so easily. I never knew you could go on and forget me just like i never happened.''

''i am not! This will never happen, you out of everyone should know that the best!'' soobins hand found beomgyus cold ones. ''you know, that i will never forget you, i wont be able to. I dont even want to! I just have to move on.''

His heart felt like dying a thousand times, beomgyus eyes, that once used to light up like the sun were numb, completely darkness took away the spark of life from them, the soft and warm brown soobin was so familiar with was hidden somewhere behind pain and rivers of tears.

_Perhaps this is the best way to cope with this._

_Perhaps this is what was supposed to happen._

He imagined feeling numb himself. Its been a while since he last felt actually something and -even though is was tough of him to even think that way- he hoped to leave this moment as numb as he usually was.

But the sudden ache that was caught up on his throat, making it hard for him to breathe, the way beomgyus hand was clinching his palms as if this move would be able to keep him by his side, his soft punches the other threw on his knee and the ''why are you doing this to me?'' and ''how could this happen to me? Why us?'' made him feel more human then he had ever felt before.

His lips started shaking uncontrollably, his vision started fading as hot tears were running down his cheeks.

_''I am so sorry, i truly am'_ ' he felt like apologising, like he havent already apologised over and over again each time beomgyu called him. As if he didnt hate himself already for having to leave, as if he didnt hate himself for not being able to actually do so. As if he had an other choice.

Sitting there, he soon realised that used to be his world. Not just the sea and the cold wind at night or the comforting sounds of the sea ot even the feeling of the moist sand on his clothes. The feeling of being able to actually feel any kind of emotions, up from the coldest feelings to the very warmest feelings like a simple hug, a light tap on the shoulder, the overwhelming excitement when a pair of hot lips is whispering small secrets in our ear.

Each and every feeling was precious. Each and every moment.

Soobin soon realised that his life was full of events, a few sad ones, a few happy ones, everything was included in his memories.

Apparently there would have been an ending anyways. His came sooner than expected, on a soft and fragile point within his life. It is hard to accept it but it would have been worse if he tried to deny it with all his will.

Sooner or later, he will have to.

''please just, not yet..'' beomgyus voice seemed to be as broke as a shattered piece of glass. It broke Soobin heart one more time.

''listen to me carefully, will you?'' soobin manage to cup beomgyus hot cheeks in his hands, and he was glad when he figured he still could feel their heat on his cold palms.

''we cant turn back the time. I cant undo the past and i already hate myself enough for this. Look what i did to both of us. Look where we are at-''

''please, i am begging you, dont say that!''

''but it is the truth! Now do me a favour. I dont want you to forget me and thats selfish of me to say so, i know. But you have to move on. Look in front of you, you have so many dreams to achive, so many things you have planned. Live your life and stay strong.''

''but how am i supposed to do that alone? How can you tell such things when you clearly know i cant handle them?''

''because thats the last thing i can ask of you. You know that i have to leave, i cant stay here any longer''

''No way, he is there by the sea.. YEONJUN HYUNG! I FOUND HIM!''

A familiar voice was being heard somewhere near them, which made beomgyu flinch on his seat.

_Yeonjun hyung.... i found him..._

That was taehyun.

Beomgyu knew that they came here to take him, they were against his meetings with soobin from the very beggining on.

''they are here to take me away from you. Soobin, they want to take me away! Please, please i am begging you, please dont leave me alone on this cruel world. Please take me with you, please thats the only thing i am asking from you.'' the tears started falling and falling from his eyes, he knew the end was very near for both of them.

Soobin stood up quickly, the air brushing throw his hair and beomgyu all of a sudden felt jealous.

The atmosphere around them had frozen, the time had stopped as a sign of giving the two of them a few more seconds to be next to each other.

Everything seemed to be flowing in the most slow but at the same time fastest way possible.

Beomgyus reflexes kicked his body, he stood up right in front of Soobin, head buzzy, his vision unclear, but as soon as he felt soobins fingertips wiping his tears away, he finally realised he could breathe.

''i really hate seeing you cry, especially when i am the reason of it.''

Beomgyu found soobins hands, bringing them near his lips, filling them with painful kisses and he tried to catch track of his breath in between.

''then take me with you. Please, thats all i want, all i can ask for. Just please take me with you!'' he screamed in soobins face, he didnt care for the fact the taehyun was coming closer.

He could hear the boys voice screaming his name from somewhere far away.

''I dont want you to follow me. Please promise me that you'll live a good and happy life, you'll taka care of yourself and achive our dreams. Promise me that you'll find yourself again! I was the beginning but not the end of this. Promise me this! Swear to me that you will start anew! Promise this beomgyu''

''I thought the world was a cruel place but look at you being worse! How can you ask such a thing from me?''

''i want you to do that because i love you way too much.''

slowly, taehyuns voice appeared to be coming near.

''beomgyu, stay where you are, i am coming to get you!'' the boy screamed from the top of his lungs, as if he could save beomgyu from all this pain. But little did he know, beomgyu wouldnt mind spending the rest of his life at the very same spot.

''we dont have much time left, i didnt imagine our sepatation to be like this, nut honestly, i never imagined that we would have to separate ourselves at all!'' his mouth curved into a painful smile.

''i am coming with you, there is no way you can forbidden this!''

Soobin took beomgyus hands near his lips, marking them with warm kisses, looking his most beloved person deep in the eyes. He didnt plan to make this entire thing feel like a goodbye, though thats what it felt like. Thats what it was. A sour and cold goodbye.

''Let my hands soobin, i want to come with you! Let me follow you, let me take a step near you.'' beomgyu tried with all his power to move near the crushing waves.

'' _I love you very, very,very much_!'' soobin said, still hoding him around his arms.

''let me be near you!''

''I love you very much, please never forget that. I am so sorry.''

Beomgyus hands suddenly were cold, his entire body started shivering.

''Its okay, i got you.'' Taehyun wrapped his hands around beomgyus body.

''No, no, no no no no. Let me go- TAEHYUN I SAID LET ME GO! I have- i have to find him taehyun i have t go to him-''

''Its okay i am here now, its going to be okay!'' Taehyun tighten his hands around beomgyus frizzing figure, his friends hands punching him chest.

''I have to go near him taehyun, you dont understand!''

Beomgyus tears didnt stop running down his cheeks, his hands were frozen cold, his fingertips turned to a yellowish colour. He looked like a mess and taehyn knew that his friends was going through the toughest time of his entire life.

''Listen to me beomgyu-ya. Its okay, we will have to go home and we will find a way to-'' he didnt know what would have been better. To lie or to say the truth? And would it even make the situation any better if he simply said the truth? ''we will find a way to find him. Okay? We will do something but for now, we have to return home!''

Taehyun managed to pull out his phone once beomgyu sat once again on the sand. With trembling hands, he managed to call the first contact on his phone list.

''Hyung? Hyung i found him! We-we are by the sea, a-at the curve. We definitely need a ride home and then a quick ride to the hospital! I think the illusions kicked in again and- if i doubt they ever left! It was about soobin again... i dont think beomgyu hyung can cope with his death, at least not yet. Please inform Kai and come pick us up as quick as possible!''

**Author's Note:**

> and that was basically it.  
> i wrote it quickly and decided to post it right away, please dont come at me for any grammar or laps or whatever, i will make sure to fix all these later but as for now.. how did you like it? i really want to start writing few angst/heavy stories with more and deep content (although i said that we dont support angst in this housen much)....
> 
> however, i hope you liked this?? even though thats kind of ironical to say... :D
> 
> see you next time


End file.
